we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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