He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Oh god it's open bar.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize