SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
