There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
