I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
