I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
