sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
