If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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