I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
