so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
