Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
