It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
