When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
