I'm really into asian looking animals
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
