i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
