the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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