i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The police scanner is talking about you again....
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
