so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
