i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you win again, gameday.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
this will be a night to untag.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
