New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
My balls are so social today.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
