she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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