i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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