forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
