I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
