Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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