Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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