I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Four minutes until I can fart!
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize