I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
