he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
