Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
