i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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