i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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