Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
