yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
