he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
His hands were made for my vagina.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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