Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
