I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
