i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
