She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
