Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
