dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize