He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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