you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
