I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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