i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
