I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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