My Higher Power is John Stamos
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
