How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
