I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
