Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
