I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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