if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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