And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
