things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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