I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
