Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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