I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
