I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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