Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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