I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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