i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
