Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
