Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I need to align my fucking chakras
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
