Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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