We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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