I wish i was in the wii world.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
