I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
