Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
