Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
