would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
