Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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