i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize