Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
