yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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