Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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