The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
