Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
