you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
