Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
This toilet bowl is my home.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
