The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
