tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize