sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just invented taco cereal.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
