so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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