I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
