I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
