Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
