My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
