Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
