I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
